The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My butt remains clenched, sir.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
