I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
