he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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