i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
