Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
