I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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