He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
