I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
