Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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