just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
