the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
