yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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