Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
