i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
