white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
