so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
