i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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