Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
