I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I currently don't understand fingers.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
