Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
