I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize