his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize