So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize