You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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