I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
