I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
