I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
