I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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