All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Betty ford says i'm here all night
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I AM VODKA MAN
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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