i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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