If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
