nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
