Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
