After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
