Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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