uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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