Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
