I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
