just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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