I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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