the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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