So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
