not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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