Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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