I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
