Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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