I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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