he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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