This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
