her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
