I cannot find my penis.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
