Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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