All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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