you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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