is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
