So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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