If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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