Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
how drunk are you?
Several
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
