Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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