Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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