1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize