Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
