I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
