My room smells like vodka and shame
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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