The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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