Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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