Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
