first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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