My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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